I promise I will never make you watch a chick flick
I promise I will never ask you to “turn off the game” so we can “talk”
I promise not to get mad if you want to play poker with the guys, unless you start to lose
I promise never to go through your cell phone
I promise not to cry unless I really mean it
I promise that all disgust at pet names, especially “baby” will be sincere, so stick to, “girl,” “babe,” and any nickname you have genuinely given me
I promise not expect you to tell me I am hotter than Angelina Jolie
I promise never to get “too comfortable” and show up for a date in sweats
I promise not to bombard you with phone calls when you are out on your guys’ nights, but you might get some texts telling you how sexy I think you are
I promise never to lie to you
I promise never to say “I love you” unless I mean it, and never expect you to say it unless you mean it
I promise to never fall into a boring routine
I promise never to insist you leave stuffed animals anywhere
I promise never to put stupid girly things on your stuff so you “can always be thinking of me” unless you ask me to
I promise never to ask you if my clothes make me look fat
I promise not to tell everyone how much I hate you every time we have a fight
I promise not to leave subtle song lyric messages like “what goes around comes back around” in my screen names and away messages every time I am upset with you
I promise to always maintain my independence, whether you like it or not
I promise you will never see a tampon, because no level of comfort calls for that
I promise to always gush about you to all of my friends, but pretend like I don’t
I promise never to have picture captions like “I loves me baby” but you should expect at least one instance of me saying “my boyfriend is sooo much hotter than yours”
I promise never to tell you to stop hanging out with someone, no matter how much I hate him or her
I promise to see any movie you choose, or to any bar you choose, because it won’t be fun unless we are both happy
I promise to live through every hardship with you
I promise not to expect you to feel anything you don’t feel in that I won’t force you to cry when your goldfish dies, but if you do, I will wipe your tears
I promise never to fish for compliments
I promise never to get so drunk that I pass out on you and expect you to take me home 2 hours before you were planning on leaving
I promise never to drunk cry and utter words like “you hate me ‘cause I’m fat, and she’s prettier than me”
I promise to sometimes grab your shirt and pull you closer when you kiss me, just to remind you how bad I want you, even when you might think I don’t
Promise me you will call me when you want to talk to me
Promise me you will always reach for my hand in public, and not get mad if I pull away
Promise me you will wait for me to get comfortable
Promise not to pressure me, and understand my insecurities
Promise to always make me feel like I am the most desirable girl to you wherever we go
Promise anything you want to say about me, you will say to me (within reason) so that I don’t have to find out from your friend “Shnookie” that you don’t like my eyeliner
Promise to try to or pretend to like my friends
Promise to listen to my ridiculous complaints and always agree with me over the period that I am still mad
Promise to never use the phrase “PMS” unless you expect to get slapped
Promise to stand beside me when we go places so that I can show you off
Promise to remember that the little things like a kiss on the forehead, or a nice e-mail will always make me smile so much more than the big things
Promise never to lie to me
Promise not to be mad if I have to spend too much time working or studying
Promise not to hold the craziness of my family against me
Promise to always pick me up or at least offer to walk me to my car because I hate walking alone
Promise to never tell me you “have needs”
Promise to give me your umbrella when it rains and pretend it’s because you actually care if my hair gets wet. And if you don’t have one, and my hair gets wet, pretend you like it better that way
Promise not to kiss me in the morning until we have both brushed our teeth
Promise to always be a gentleman, especially in front of my father
Promise to always care just enough about the designers I am interested in, like for instance, recognizing a Louis Vuitton, but pronouncing it wrong
Promise that if I ever want to spend a night in with you watching SNL, you will act like you want to, and have a good time
Promise that when we dance at a bar, it won’t all be ‘grinding’
Promise never to tell me to be quiet if I start screaming in a horror movie
Promise to talk about me just enough to your friends that they will know who I am and even like me
Promise to be subtly cute like when you are on the phone with me, telling someone in the room, “I am on the phone with my girlfriend” just to remind me you still care
Promise to always be my “date” for functions, no matter how terrible they sound
Promise to like my dogs, even when they shed on you and bark at you
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